Proverbs 14:1 “Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.”
This verse in Proverbs has hidden in it some very valuable character lessons that are available to “every wise woman”! “Every” simply means every! These are practical goals that are expected of a woman that is wise. These should be the characteristics of every wise woman. If a woman wants to be wise, she should spend much time in the book of Proverbs. If she doesn’t care anything about these things, she will continue in the wrong paths and end up unsatisfied, unproductive, and just make a mess of her existence. This is in contrast with the virtuous woman in Proverbs 31. The virtuous woman is a rare woman. See Proverbs 31:10 where she is compared to a rare jewel that has a high price! Simply put, the characteristics of every woman are right here in Proverbs 14:1. The characteristics of a rare, virtuous woman are found in Proverbs 31. If a woman desires to be a virtuous woman, Proverbs 14:1 is the place to start. The goals, desires, and finish line are in Proverbs 31. Very few women match them. All women should attempt these goals.
The place for a wise woman to start is in building her house! Notice that it says the wise woman “buildeth her house”. This is in contrast to the foolish woman who “plucketh it down”. Every woman is doing something. She is either building or plucking. Both women are busy. The wise woman is engaged in producing something worthwhile. She is in the improvement mode. Building not only takes wisdom, it produces wisdom as solutions to the problems are discovered. Building is a leadership principal that allows for good leadership to continue. When a woman or a leader stop building, decay and ruin are right around the corner.
The wise woman is building. She starts with a foundation and works from there. It takes time, labor, and love. It takes a lifetime commitment! Marriage is for life, not until you can’t stand it anymore. The wise woman is not discouraged by the obstacles and problems that building a house brings. She will handle them one at a time, or maybe multiple at a time as she keeps on building. Trouble came to King Solomon when he stopped building. He had built his house and the Lord’s house and then quit. Building uses a blueprint. It is important to have a plan. The Bible is the foundation of the home. It is the ideal blueprint. By making Jesus Christ the head of the home and the Bible the blueprint, there is a greater chance that the home will survive the storms and trials. Anybody can pluck a house down. It takes very little planning and forethought. It takes no talent at all. Actually, if it is just neglected it falls down on its own. Soon the house becomes unlivable without major remodeling or renovations. Abandonment is the only solution. It is much more costly to pluck a house down than to maintain the integrity of the house.
Of course, here the Bible is talking about the family not the building. It takes work to build a good family; constant work and daily preparedness. Doing what is right today so that tomorrow turns out right.
Sometimes the foolish woman wants to be in charge of the man. This is because she sees his mistakes and character flaws and wants to change him for the better. Because of the curse on Eve (Genesis 3:16) that is passed down to all women, this won’t work. This is true in the New Testament because of Ephesians 5:24“Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.”
Some people, especially women, think they get power by belittling their husbands, pointing out all of his flaws. The Bible teaches the opposite. Real love and charity is overlooking the flaws and sins of the other person. Prayer is the greatest weapon a woman has to make changes in her husband. If God changes the man, then God is his leader, and he will be changed for good. If the woman makes the change, then God is not in the proper place in the marriage and neither is the woman. It leads to disaster.
The important thing for a woman to do is try to be a Proverbs 31 woman. I try to teach young women to work on their personality, which is a function of the heart. Don’t neglect the outside but the outside will change and degrade over time. Personality, if cultivated properly, will be maintained and improved. The same can be said of the man. He should concentrate on doing what God says to him by faith. A good prayer life and fellowship with God is important. A good church is essential. Church is not only good for instruction, but also for a place to serve. Learning how to serve God by serving others is important to joy and happiness.
The foolish woman is busy also. She is in the destruction mode. All her efforts produce a pile of trash. Her trash must be cleaned up by someone else because she thinks of it as an “it” not as “hers”! The foolish woman’s ultimate goal is to tear up, destroy, and then walk away. She usually doesn’t realize how destructive she is because she is seeking her happiness, not realizing that her happiness is found in submission to others, especially her husband.
Proverb 30:20 “Such is the way of an adulterous woman; she eateth, and wipeth her mouth, and saith, I have done no wickedness.”
That is the same goal as the devil! Notice that the wise woman has the same attitude as the Good Shepard; but the foolish woman has the same attitude as the thief!
John 10:10 “The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.”
Building takes time with the purpose to make better. Building produces something better a little at a time. The wise, virtuous woman is using her hands for the right things.
Plucking takes time with no purpose but still goes on a little at a time. Plucking destroys a little at a time! It is a pulling down. It is the destruction of the home! She is using her hands for the wrong things.
Notice that the foolish woman doesn’t just destroy the house immediately. She plucks at it. A little at a time. It is not worth much to her, so she takes what she wants and doesn’t replace it. She keeps on plucking. It is destroyed gradually from the inside by plucking. One bad attitude a day is plucking. One word per day said in a derisive manner is plucking. The plucker must change her attitude, direction, and purpose into a builder, not a plucker. Notice Proverbs 14:3 “In the mouth of the foolish is a rod of pride: but the lips of the wise shall preserve them.” A man can take a lot of things but a nagging, complaining woman is the downfall of a marriage. Just like a woman can take a lot of things but the unfaithfulness of a man, or lack of attention is the ruin of the marriage. Proverbs 19:13 “A foolish son is the calamity of his father: and the contentions of a wife are a continual dropping.”
Proverbs 21:9 “It is better to dwell in the corner of a housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house.”
Proverbs 6:23-29 “For the commandment is a lamp; and the law is light; and reproofs of instruction are the way of life: To keep thee from the flattery of the tongue of a strange woman. Lust not after her beauty in thine heart; neither let her take thee with her eyelids. For by means of a whorish woman a man is brought to a piece of bread: and the adulteress will hunt for the precious life. Can a man take fire in his bosom, and his clothes not be burned? Can one go upon hot coals, and his feet not be burned? So he that goeth in to his neighbour’s wife; whosoever toucheth her shall not be innocent.”
Please examine the words that show possession: to the wise woman it is “her” house. To the foolish it is just an “it”. The wise woman takes ownership of the house. It is her house. She accepts the responsibility which brings with it liberty. The foolish woman avoids and tries to transfer the responsibility which brings burdens, and confusion. To the foolish woman the house is just an “it”. It is not “hers”. When it falls apart and doesn’t work right, she blames others, usually her husband. The decay of the home is actually both of their fault as she plucks it down and he refuses to lead her to God and God’s way! The way for a woman to be successful, even if her husband is a jerk, is to take ownership of the house. She will seek God, and attempt to please Him! As she pleases God, she will find out that God will work on her husband! Her focus should be on the house or home and let God focus on her husband!
Being a godly woman should be the desire of every woman. The Bible gives the details and steps to achieve this goal. The purpose of this study is to outline the characteristics of a godly, Christian, woman. Like Proverbs 31 and 1 Timothy 3, this is not a list of things to disqualify a person for what it is that God has for them, but rather, a list of things to aspire to and aim at.
A godly woman is known by four things: her heart, her hands, her home and her husband! A foolish woman is known by four things: her heart, her hands, her home and her husband!
The heart of the wise woman (or man) in Proverbs is shown to be a prudent heart. I fell in love with Pam partly because she was beautiful and partly because she fell in love with me! Over the years her outward appearance has taken a beating, mostly due to the effects of rheumatoid arthritis. I haven’t kept the dashing handsome outside either! The years have been cruel to both of us! Over the years though, my love, admiration, and respect for her has grown. I love her more today than when we said our vows! There is something mature and lasting because of the trials we have gone through together!
I have watched her grow over the years and have been impressed by several of her outstanding “wise-woman” character traits.
One of her greatest character traits that has shown itself is her prudence. Her ability to stretch our meager income at the beginning and through the years of raising children has been amazing. All of the major financial mistakes we made have been my fault! I learned from her how to not buy things on a whim, but to wait on God to provide. I could send her into a store with ten dollars and she would come back with change and what she bought would have been something for me! When I think about the Bible character of prudence, I think of her!
A good example of her prudence and practicality happened just today. We had to run some errands and as we talked about what had to be done, her mind and heart were in gear. She suggested a route that not only saved time but, as she pointed out, would use less gas, too! I don’t know if it is a gift or a developed talent, but I do know she has it! I think maybe it is a little of both.
One of the other things that has impressed me about her is her ability to organize and throw away useless things. She would also organize garage sales to turn useless items into cash. People liked coming to our garage sales because she would take almost anything that was offered!
She set up our home to work perfectly as we home schooled (mostly it was her home schooling as I worked). I am a pack rat and have a hard time getting rid of something. I might need it some day! She, however, is able to see if we need it or not. If it is just taking up space, she has an alternative use for the space. This quality has been extremely helpful as we have transitioned from a house into an apartment.
Another outstanding character trait that she possesses is a good quality of patience. I remember telling her to stick with me and we will go to the top. Well, to be honest, we haven’t made it to the top. However, she has stuck with me anyway! Patience is a quality of wisdom. Serving God takes time as God has plenty of it and we have little of it. Patience, which she has an abundance of, and I have little of, is simply waiting on God, faithfully doing the little things, and doing them with joy!
Along with her patience has been a character trait of the virtuous woman and the godly New Testament woman. That is the ability to control her tongue! Over the years, I can’t remember her complaining about our situation or her crippling arthritis. She faces every day with pain and gets up and focuses on what needs to be done. Sure, she has mentioned my character flaws, but these have been a help to have me improve. One of my strengths and weakness is that I am a very open person. I don’t try to hide anything. What I am thinking comes out of my mouth and now ends up on paper or the computer. I tend to think out loud. This gets me into trouble. In fact, I am sure when she reads this, I will be in trouble again! This is a strength and weakness. For her, the ability to keep her mouth shut has been a blessing to all. My mouth gets me into trouble and sometimes gets me out of trouble.
That ideal woman in Proverbs 31 only speaks one time! It is in Proverbs 31:26 When she finally gives her opinion, it is full of wisdom. Notice that kindness is “in” her tongue; not “on” her tongue! Mostly it is not what she says, but how she says it! Kindness can’t be faked. It comes from deep within. It is from the heart! Notice she is not complaining, or gossiping! What comes out is wisdom! I find it fascinating that it says the law of kindness is “in” her tongue, not “on” her tongue. This shows that the kindness is deeper and goes all of the way to the heart! It is not just a cute saying but is what she really feels!
Proverbs 31:26 “She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.”
Proverbs 19:14 “House and riches are the inheritance of fathers: and a prudent wife is from the LORD.”
Notice that God is involved in making a wife prudent. A woman may have inherited things from her father, but how she uses them properly must come from God. That’s another thing. Many times a young lady will come into a marriage with stuff gained from her upbringing. These must be compared to what the Bible says and then allow God’s leading on how to do things to “build” the home. Prudence is just the practical performance of the Bible precepts!
Proverbs 16:21 “The wise in heart shall be called prudent: and the sweetness of the lips increaseth learning.”
Wisdom is a heart thing. Get your desires right (to please God, by pleasing your husband who is serving God is a wise thing) Notice also how the lips are connected to the heart. A sweetheart will produce sweet lips. Sweet lips will increase learning. Attitude is extremely important and will be shown by what comes out of your mouth!
Compare these three verses and notice how what has filled the heart, comes out of the mouth:
1 Samuel 1:16 “Count not thine handmaid for a daughter of Belial: for out of the abundance of my complaint and grief have I spoken hitherto.”
Matthew 12:34 “O generation of vipers, how can ye, being evil, speak good things? for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh.”
Proverbs 18:15 “The heart of the prudent getteth knowledge; and the ear of the wise seeketh knowledge.”
Knowledge is a heart thing also. Many times knowledge is gained by listening to the advice of others. Learn what to say and what not to say; learn what to do and what not to do. Sometimes you must do the opposite of what your parents and friends are doing. Listen to good preaching! It is found by seeking it!
For the world, the most prominent part of a woman is her figure or her face. Many women pick up on this and use their figure or face as a tool to get what they want. The Bible shows the most prominent parts of a virtuous woman are her fingers:
Notice each of these expressions of what the hands are and compare it with what the woman is doing. The hands of the virtuous woman appear 6 times in Proverbs 31.
Proverbs 31:13 “She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.”
In this verse her action is to seek. She obtains her desire by using working and willing hands! She not only obtains the wool and flax; she uses her hands to turn what she has found into something useful for her family!
Proverbs 31:16 “She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.”
Here her action is to consider and then buy. No buyer’s remorse because before she spends money, she thinks about it. Here she uses the field that she has bought to produce a vineyard in which is fruitful because her hands are all over it. She is planting, watering, weeding, pruning, harvesting, and storing. All of these actions take wisdom and wise use of time and fruitful hands! This idea of considering before you buy is another mark of prudence. Count the cost and examine its usefulness. Look for alternatives.
Proverbs 31:17 “She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.”
Here are two more actions of the woman: girding and strengthening. Gird is a great, old, archaic King James word that means to bind or encircle. The idea here is that she puts on the proper clothing to allow her to work. He clothing tells a lot about her. She is prepared for the task at hand. The New Testament godly woman is encouraged to dress modestly in 1 Timothy 2:9
“In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;”
The right clothing for the task at hand. The ideal clothing for the woman is to bring glory to God, not to bring attraction to her! She wears work clothes for work and dress clothes for church. Again, it is my wife that is the example of modesty. She not only dresses modestly, she gets most of her clothing from the resale shops. She is not only well-dressed, she is prudently, modestly, well dressed!
Because the hands are attached to the arms, she must strengthen her arms. The practical teaching here is that she will be lifting and using her arms to guide the hands. Physical work and exercise is better than “couch potatoing”! The ideal exercise for men is gardening and the ideal exercise for women is house cleaning! Because of her arthritis, Pam’s elbows don’t work at all. Still, she finds ways to pick things up and do the menial tasks to get through the day. Although I try to help her, she has an independent streak in her that compels her to do for herself. I am convinced that if something happens to me, with God’s help she will be just fine. If I continue, part of my purpose for being here is to help her strengthen her arms!
Proverbs 31:19 “She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.”
Here she is laying and holding. That is, she is using her hands with skill. She has learned how to do the things right. Notice here she is not seeking or considering. Sometimes what is needed is just continued application. Out at the Fort Rock Camp, they have a sign above the sink that says, “Dreams and wishes don’t was dishes!” Sometime it is the day to day, dreary doing of repetitive tasks that end up producing the great results. The spindle and distaff are parts of a loom. What she is doing is making fabric that she can use to make clothing. It is done by repetition of the boring things over and over.
Proverbs 31:20 “She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.”
Here she is stretching and reaching. These actions are the result of the desire to help those less fortunate than herself! I have always been impress by Pam’s desire to help others. Our children have picked this compassion up and are using it also. Even today, with her limited physical strength. She uses her talents to help her church to feed the homeless. She and my daughter run the kitchen and meal ministries at the church. This is a great character trait of the ideal virtuous woman! Notice the great effort that is displayed in the words “stretcheth out” and “reacheth forth”. That shows the effort involved. It also shows initiative. She is not waiting to be asked!
Proverbs 31:31 “Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.”
Also, notice that when all is said and done, it is her works that really shine forth and have produced fruit that lasts! The purpose of having the wisdom of God is to do something practical with it!
The final mark of a wise woman is that she has a happy, loving husband. Notice part of the blessings of aspiring for the characteristics of Proverbs 31 is that God blesses the husband! At this stage of my life, I have never been happier and have never been more in love with my wife, Pam! That is a direct result of her applying these principles and seeking to please God!
Proverbs 31:11 “The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.”
This is the first mention of her husband and is first in the list of characteristics. The reason it is first is that, after God, he should have first place in her life, heart, mind, and purpose. The same is true of the husband. She should take priority. Notice the reflection of this thought in I Corinthians 7:33
“But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife.”
The virtuous woman and the man of God should be best friends as well as lovers!
The next mention of her husband is in Proverbs 31:23
“Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.”
She has a busy husband who is a leader. He has a good reputation and the reason he does is because he has a good, godly wife! Again this is an ideal thing to reach for. Some women have sorry husbands who are idiots! Some women’s husbands are known for stupid things! I am convinced that I am successful today in part because God has given me such good, godly wife.
A virtuous woman who has a good husband should support him as he tries to follow God! I am convinced that the closest thing to heaven on earth is a home where all of the members love God and seek to help one another.
Deuteronomy 11:21 “That your days may be multiplied, and the days of your children, in the land which the LORD sware unto your fathers to give them, as the days of heaven upon the earth.”
Finally, her husband is mentioned in Proverbs 31:28
“Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.”
What I have tried to do in this study is to show a young woman how to be a wise, godly, and yes, even a virtuous woman. I have used one of the wisest, godliest, and yes, even virtuous women I know as an example. Of course, the things to get from this is the Bible characteristics of the wise woman and then seek to incorporate them into your life! May you look back on your life someday with satisfaction and may your children arise up and call you blessed and your husband praise you!